An Open Letter to Justin Bieber (cc. Izzy Nicol)

Dear Mr Bieber,

It’s a tricky one, isn’t it. The old I hate Justin Bieber vs. the Mrs. Bieber phenomenon. I don’t think I can put my finger on anyone who has had such high amounts of detest and admiration simultaneously. Sure, there is plenty of people who’ve enjoyed a heyday of public respect only to come crashing down – a common story for politicians…the fame trip for Lance Armstrong. For some, just hatred (i.e. the internet vs. Nicholas Cage). But you, Bieber, you’ve got it both ways. Why?

After a look at the compulsive list makers Forbes’ output from late 2012, it’s clear that you are up there with other rich musicians. Is it admiration and jealousy of wealth? (But in my view – celebrity status isn’t just about the money. If it was, we’d be catching up with this sassy guy, rather than the Kardashians) 

The worst thing on the internet.

I mean, you’ve turned it to a complete cash cow, that instead of giving out regular milk produces gallons of glittery magic music potion that makes small girls weak and buy knockoff merchandise from sweatshops in China. Rise of China’s exports linked to Bieber merchandise?! #CONSPIRACY?

Like Miss Nicol, it also took me a good while to realise I’d been spelling your name incorrectly (admittedly I’m hardly practised in such activity). It just so happens that is before e. Perhaps adherence to basic spelling rules of the English language is why the pre-teen audience find you so favourable? I mean, you don’t see Arnold Schwarzenegger or Zach Galifianakis gracing the pastel pink bedroom walls of 13 year olds, now do you.

Do we hate him because he got to perv perform at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show? The hair? The squint? The pout?

After a little too much deliberation, I’m just going to admit that I’m confused. So, I think I’ll settle and a similar conclusion that Izzy Nicol did in her much more organised articleit doesn’t make sense, I don’t understand. Just deal with it. Like global warming or the fact that you don’t and may never have an Aga.

Yours in confusion,

Rosie Jones

PS. Don’t date Taylor Swift. I know it’s totally cool and in but she’ll write a song about you which will probably be more successful than yours. a.w.k.w.a.r.d.

Justin feels weak at the knees following the attack by Miss Delevinge’s eyebrows.

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