A Word on Introductions


Lord Fcking Byron

Ironically enough, a good number of minutes have passed whilst I have spun round eating rice cakes in my college’s Learning Resource Centre trying to find a suitable opener for this article. Maybe I should start with a joke? A poem? A musical number? A rash comment? A racist remark? This is awfully difficult. I’ve also run out of rice cakes and people are starting to judge me for spinning in my chair.

Person to person introductions are much easier. We follow a formality: you want to find out how they are [which you don’t], to which they respond that they are fine, [which is a lie], you comment on how much weight they have lost [you mean gained], they thank you [and think about the chocolate éclair they had at lunchtime] and then you will disintegrate in to some form of menial conversation. Formality is jolly good fun.

Of course, it doesn’t have to be this way. It was Lord Byron that, whilst holidaying with Mary Shelley + Husband + “friend” with questionable benefits, enters a room and simply remarks “NOW WE SHALL EACH WRITE A GHOST STORY”. And one does what Lord Byron says, because, well, simply, he’s Lord Fking Byron. Just because I’m not Lord Fking Byron, does that mean I have to fall into the clutches of meaningless small talk? Well… Apparently so.

Society has a tendency to stick with what it knows, and people just get on with it. We’re all too busy worrying about whether our ankles look fat or whether the avocadoes have gone brown, or if you really have been sent the same issue of Surrey Life twice. Considering the boundaries of conversational reform just seems a bit too much stress.

Wallowing in formality is a serious problem. To whoever has attended a large organised meeting of new people will understand that the phrase “Say your name, and then tell us something interesting about yourself” Is really a code way of saying “Tell us who you are, then spend time worrying finding the identifier of your personality in 30 seconds and then desperately trying to sound interesting to impress the attractive person sat next to you, and then realise that you don’t even have an identifier to your personality because if you did, you wouldn’t be trying to meet new people in the first place. Suck on that”.

But now, I must leave. I have a ghost story to compose…



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Destro7000 (@Destro7000)
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 19:09:11

    I love that random outburst.

    Lord Byron enters a room and simply remarks “NOW WE SHALL EACH WRITE A GHOST STORY”.

    like he expects everyone to immediately drop everything and go 😀


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